The sunny, but cold, weekend is just over and gloomy monday is here. Or was here. Finally it is over. My weekend had a strong influence of migrain and I couldn't do anything of the things I planned. Yesterday though, I did some weeding in my tiny allotment. Although we've had some autumn in the air lately, there is still growing a lot. Stupid me though, who totally missed to gather the gooseberries. I did get almost 500 g rhubarbs though. Some of the spring flowers are blooming again but now is otherwise the autumn flowers just on the verge of full blossom. I do wish the sun will come back - soon!
I really try and try and try to like mondays, but most of the time I do feel like Garfield. I hate mondays. This particular monday I definitely should've stayed at home. In bed. Under my cover. My stomach hurts and I really do not like to go to my vocational place/occupational training place. I first met them in February this year. The first thing they said to me: "You'll never get a job here! Ther are no jobs here. Just so you know". That wasn't even my purpose at the time, but it sure did set the frames straight for me though. I was there for three months. I did a good job and they were pleased with my efforts. Then it was time for their vaccation and I had to go. When it was over, they wanted me back.
Because I still haven't manage to get a job, I'm really miserable to have to go back there. It is just so damn humiliating! It is just another mark in my life that I'm not good enough. A mark that just another couple of months of unemployment has passed. Hey you, look at the bright side you all think, huh. I know it isn't the best way of seeing things, and, if one more person tells me that I can change my life with only my thoughts - I'm ready to kill! I've nothing but changed my life since I was fifteen years old and I've manage to stay alive on my own for more than twenty years. For instance I've worked hard not to become as prejudiced as my parents, not as mean as my dad and a lot of my former classmates, friends, boyfriends etc. As many of you, I've always tried to do good, to do right, to help when I can, to not make a mess and I'm always practising on beeing more straight forward, to stand up for injustice and trying to use some of that civil courage (that we all should make use of) I know I have deep down etc. But oviously I'm not a good person anyway. That's why I don't have a job. At least that's what my supervisor told me today. Working people doesn't like to see sad unworking people - What is wrong with this world????
I feel like this slimy wierd thing that I found among my plants. It has the size of a tennis ball. I've seen it before. Last year I saw two. One day it had even exploded (or imploded?) and it was just an empty whole. What in the heck is that??